


Lukewarm

by umiwomitai



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Dongyoung saves him, Drabble, Fluff, Johnny is sad, Light Angst, M/M, Workplace Relationship, kind of, like very light, ten and taeyong are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-25 23:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16670791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umiwomitai/pseuds/umiwomitai
Summary: Johnny likes his tea lukewarm, just like everything else in his life. Everything is tasteless but easier to deal with as long as he doesn't get involved. Yet, there is Dongyoung, and Dongyoung is affection and warmth, and all he's been deprived of for so long.





	Lukewarm

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Here is another NCT quick drabble, because I get bored in class on Monday mornings. The idea comes from the fact that I often drink my tea lukewarm, and from Pentagon's song "Lukewarm". It's just short and kinda plotless but I felt like writing it. Enjoy!
> 
> (English isn't my first language and it's only proofread by me so please excuse any mistake)

Johnny was very used to lukewarm things. He had always found some comfort in everything that wouldn’t make him feel too much, or not enough. He loved autumn and spring but hated when it would get either too hot or too cold. He loved being good at learning something or playing it, but just enough to be among the average. Being very good would only bring attention to him, an admiration he didn’t yearn for. Being bad, well… No one liked being bad at something.

Somehow, a lot of things in his life revolved around his affection for lukewarm things. His office was always just warm enough. His tea would always get lukewarm as he got distracted by his work. He would dress according to the weather everyday as he didn’t want to be cold or too hot. But it also showed in his relationships with others.

Sure, he had friends, a few. His colleagues appreciated and praised him, his boss valued his work greatly, and he was on good terms with his family. But it was never too much, he wasn’t involved as much as he could have, as much as he should have. For a reason he had never bothered to look for, he had become distant of most people as he had grown up, ending up mostly alone as an adult.

Alone, but never lonely. He had his cat at home, a girlfriend who lived in another country and called him regularly, friends to hang out with when he wanted to. He liked his life as it was, easy to handle and have control over, nothing getting out of hand.

Or so he liked to pretend.

But he had to admit that there were a few things in his life that made him _feel_ , just feel more or less than he’d liked to.

Taking his cup of tea in his hand only to realise it had gone cold was more upsetting than he said, but he wouldn’t do anything to change it. Only getting one call a week from his girlfriend would make him feel upset and neglected, but he wouldn’t do anything to change it. Watching Ten perform with such a smile on his face and then run to his boyfriend would make his heart sting, but he hadn’t done anything to be in Taeyong’s place. Having his colleague Dongyoung storm in his office like he owned the place and spread his limbs all over him would make his heart go warm, but he didn’t want to do anything about it.

He had grown so accustomed to his tacky daily life that doing anything, really anything to change his routine would make him go into panic.

Yet, he would catch himself long for Dongyoung’s almost daily intrusions, bend backward to look at him talk on the other side of the breakroom, or smile at his sophisticated joke during meetings. He would catch himself wait up to ten minutes in front of the building when he was leaving, _just in case._ He would catch himself think about asking Dongyoung for his number because sometimes, when he was alone at home watching TV, he would think about how sweet it would be to have him cuddled to his side like he did when he visited his office.

But then he would feel guilting, because there was Molly. Molly who was far and distant, barely talking to him and answering to his texts. But also Molly who could make him laugh his ass off for hours with just a few jokes, Molly who had crazy hair and ever crazier eyes, Molly who would drape him in her warmth when he asked for it, Molly who accepted his kind of cold and distant self sometimes and would leave him enough space. And he would remember he missed her, and he loved her (he was pretty sure of this), and he couldn’t betray her like this.

So he never asked for Dongyoung’s number. He never asked him to come to his office to talk to him because he expected this moment more than anything else in his day. He never told him how his smile and his warmth would make his ice cold heart come back to life. He never admitted how hard it was not to blush every time Dongyoung laughed at his jokes. He never said how close he was to hold his hand and kiss him softly to thank him for all the affection he gave him.

But it was still there, in his heart, hidden but growing and warming him up from the inside. Unknown to him, his heart was still opening up to Dongyoung’s love and Dongyoung’s warmth, tired of feeding off only lukewarm feelings and bittersweet love.

 

* * *

 

 

Johnny hated to linger too long on his feelings and on the reasons why things happened. Yet this morning, he couldn’t feel like his growing affection for Dongyoung was what was helping get through breaking up with Molly.

Johnny was oblivious and fancied ignoring his feelings, but he wasn’t dumb. He had seen it coming. He just hadn’t found a good enough reason to fight for it.

So here he was, standing against to worktop, hot mug of tea in his hands, eyes in the vague. He was trying to process his thoughts when Dongyoung appeared in front of him.

“Hey? You seem off today, Johnnyboy. I mean, more than usual. Something happened?”

“My girlfriend broke up with me Saturday.”

Dongyoung looked at him with big eyes, hands stopping over the coffee machine just before pushing the button.

“You had a girlfriend?” he said simply, then shook his head a little. “Sorry, that was kind of rude.”

“No, it’s fine,” Johnny reassured with a smile he couldn’t hold back at the sight of such a cute face. “She’s been in India for more than a year, our relationship was more out of habit than real affection for each other anyway.”

Dongyoung looked at him dead in the eyes for a moment, piercing through his defences so effortlessly Johnny almost reached for his hand. Then he turned to the coffee machine and pressed the button, watching coffee drip into his mug.

“Sounds very you.”

Then, Dongyoung reached for his shoulder, patting him before letting his hand linger a moment. Johnny wanted to hold it so bad, because he was so sure Dongyoung’s skin against his would make him feel so much. So much more than he’d ever let himself feel, so much more than anyone had ever made him feel, so much more than he’d ever wanted to feel.

But he didn’t.

He stood there, looking in Dongyoung’s eyes with enough despair to beg him to do something. He knew how selfish it was of him to ask Dongyoung to be the one to step up again, but he couldn’t find enough bravery inside him to move his lips and ask for something as simple as his number.

But Dongyoung didn’t either. He let his hand fall back to his side and turned around to lean on the worktop next to Johnny, almost touching but not really. He started sipping his coffee, waiting for the last intern to leave the room.

“I got offered a better position in another company, have you heard?”

“I…” Johnny started, before breathing in three times. He could do this. “I haven’t.”

“It’s a good opportunity for me. It’s closer to my apartment.”

“Have you said yes yet?”

“I will today.”

Johnny was still not stupid. He could take hints, and he knew what Dongyoung was hinting at at this exact moment. How tempting it was, to hold him back, to keep him next to him. But what for? He couldn’t hold him back just to let the situation moon on forever. He wasn’t that selfish.

“It’s great for you. If that’s what you want. I’m sure you’ll do well.”

“What about you, Youngho? What do you want?”

He stayed there, looking at him with big round eyes, lost into his thoughts. He barely registered as Dongyoung leaned toward him, putting his right hand around his neck to speak close to his ear. He almost shivered at the touch.

“I can’t do anything if you don’t tell me,” he whispered, leaving a ghost-like kiss on his jaw.

Then, just as quickly, he was gone. Johnny could only bask in the memory of this moment and the lingering smell of Dongyoung’s perfume.

What did he want? He had lived all his life as an adult appreciating his mild, boring routine, lukewarm feelings and smothered urges. He had been fine like this, going on every day being stable enough not to feel like crying his eyes out when he would go to bed at night. But it wasn’t enough anymore. Because there was Dongyoung. Because he could see Ten, who had slipped through his fingers, being so stupidly happy with Taeyong. Because even Molly hadn’t found a good enough reason to come back and try to save him.

Because there was Dongyoung. And soon, there wouldn’t be Dongyoung anymore, unless he actually did something.

With a frown, he sipped his tea, which had gone warm now. Maybe that was the only thing he had really ever liked being lukewarm.

 

* * *

 

 

That night, when he got ready to leave the building, he made sure to check he had grabbed everything and headed for the 3rd level. When he got out of the elevator, he noticed the light coming from Dongyoung’s office at the end of the hallway. He walked all the way there, only to stop just in front of the door. It was ajar, letting Dongyoung’s voice reach him. He was pretty sure he was on the phone, until he pushed the door a little and noticed Dongyoung was actually only talking to himself. His back was turned to the door, and he had a whiteboard in front of him.

Johnny knocked on the door, making Dongyoung turn around. He smiled as soon as he noticed it was him, and motioned for him to come inside.

“I wasn’t sure you would still be there.”

“Well, I’m gonna leave soon so I have to prepare everything for the person who’ll take over.”

“So you’re leaving.”

It wasn’t really a question, as Johnny had expected it. He had said it with a smile to make sure he wouldn’t make Dongyoung feel guilty.

“In a month,” he said lightly, putting his elbows on his desk and his head on his hands. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Not really. I wanted to know if you were free tonight?”

“What for?”

“I… dinner, maybe? Or just drinks, whatever suits you. I just don’t feel like being alone tonight.”

Johnny regretted this sentence at the moment it left his mouth. It made it seem like Dongyoung was a second choice when actually, he was all Johnny had been thinking about all day.

“Dinner is fine.”

Dongyoung got up, closed his laptop before putting it in his bag and took his coat off the hook. With his signature bunny smile, he put a hand against Johnny smaller back and guided him out the door. They left the building in a comfortable silence, reaching the parking lot to get into Dongyoung’s car. Johnny was glad he didn’t use his car to go to work. Once Johnny had buckled his seat belt, Dongyoung turned to him, laying his head carefully on the steering wheel.

“Tell me the truth now,” he said softly, grabbing Johnny’s left hand to tangle their fingers. “Why did you invite me tonight?”

Dongyoung’s hand was just as he had thought, warm and soft, fueling his now fully beating heart. He thought for a brief moment that he wanted to hold it again, and again. When he went grocery shopping. When he took a walk on Sunday mornings to exercise a little. When he watched movies. When he cried over love songs on the radio. He quickly realised that Dongyoung’s presence meant warmth, and he had been so deprived of it for so long that it was all he could think about now.

“I wanted to be with you,” he admitted in a breath, eyes locked in Dongyoung’s.

“See? It’s not that complicated.”

“It’s still scary.”

Then, the look in the other man’s eyes changed, to something softer but also incredibly sadder, more serious.

“I’m not going anywhere, Johnny. I’m still within your reach. I’ve always been, even if you never noticed.”

And maybe that was it. All Johnny needed was to be shaken up a little by his break up to realise that all he craved was just there and he just had to reach out his hand to grab it. So he did, holding Dongyoung’s hand close to him, savouring the warmth of the moment.

“I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“Well now, all you have to do is make sure it was worth the wait, right?”

And Dongyoung’s smile warmed up his heart even more than the touch of his hand, and if this was what having Dongyoung next to him felt like, he was more than ready to prove him he had been right to wait.

**Author's Note:**

> I had an alternate ending where Johnny would let Dongyoung get away without ever taking his chance, but yeah I think I like this one better! Thanks for reading, and until next time, take care!  
> [tumblr](https://umiwomitai.tumblr.com) [twt](https://twitter.com/_tildawn) [cc](https://curiouscat.me/umiwomitai)


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